Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Three angry hens

Holiday commercials generally make me want to punch a hole in the TV. And when that TV is your parents’ brand new LCD plasma 3-D whatever contraption, taking out your anger on it is a poor and costly decision.

Gone are the days of yore, when the Christmas GAP commercials used to make me fly off the couch to dance along, and then run to Kazaa to download the tunes their sparkly-sweatered models were kaleidoscoped to.  I was an energetic child.

Anyhow, here is a sample of Joe Fresh’s answer to Christmas advertising:

Woah, woah, woah. Ladies. Whose first-born child did I unknowingly murder? 

Now, Tyra would say “FIERCE,” but I say “CALM DOWN.” These girls are doing the stare-down stink eye as best they can, and it makes me feel like they either really hate me or they really hate the dude who is filming them. Terry Richardson? I don’t know their lives.

Anyway, Joe Fresh has been my friend in the past, and while that friendship is sometimes damaged by their increasing prices and inability to make an accurately sized extra small, I will likely continue to shop there.

However, this commercial is stupid, to put it simply. It is unimaginative, boring, Christmas-irrelevant, and the song sucks. Also, I totally can’t handle that orange hat with the pink coat on the far right girl. And I respectfully disagree with the idea that different shades of the same colour work together, especially when they are pink down coats. 

Everyone in this ad needs to chill out, grab a festive cocktail, and put on a cute dress. No one wants to look at you when you’re looking at them like that.

Better luck next year, JF.

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